No one likes spiders. They’ve got too many legs, they’re too big while also being too small, and in all honesty they’re terrifying. Dear Spiders Everywhere is an open letter rant to spiders everywhere.
Woman: Dear spiders everywhere: Who gave you the right? You come into my home with your eight hairy legs and your billion beady eyes.
Woman: Who do you think you are? Do you think you’re welcome? Do you think you little web in the corner of the kitchen isn’t noticeable? I mean even when I get rid of the webs the next day without fail there you are. Just sitting on your web; watching me.
Do you think it’s cute how your scurry at lightening speeds like a mutated cheetah?
[Scurrying across surface]
Woman: Let me be real with you Mr. Spider, I don’t like you. It’s not me it’s you. I thought you’d take the hint when I took out your friends in the garage with the shop-vac last week. And don’t think I didn’t see you in the bathroom this morning up in the corner of the shower; watching me. That’s it, it’s over. You have overstayed your welcome. Consider the Raid you eviction notice.
[Spraying followed by high-pitched screams, cue music]
Announcer: Raid spider spray guaranteed to kill spiders on contact and keep them far, far away for the next 365 days.